The Coral Castle

The Seven Wonders of Old Florida are currently being decided over at the facebook page of Visit Florida.  The wonders are being pitted against each other one-on-one and the public is deciding their fate.  Of course I am pulling for what I feel is the Ultimate Florida Wonder: Weeki Wachee.

However, there is another Florida Wonder that is currently up for contention, the mysterious Coral Castle.

A few years back, I had the opportunity to take a 24 hour trip to Miami.  I tried to make the most of time and took an opportunity to visit the Castle.

The "Castle" is actually an walled in open courtyard.  It is made of "coral" which apparently is what the ground is made of in Miami.

 However, the most remarkable thing about the Castle is its back story.

The castle was built by one very small man:  Edward Leedskalnin.  Edward was Latvian, who was stood up at the alter by his much younger 16 year old fiance.  Edward was devestated and did what any reasonable man would do.  He went crazy and dedicated the rest of his life to building a homeage to the life he never had with his young bride.

 Edward would move to Florida and begin working on this castle.   The thing is, no one has any freaking idea on how he did it.  Some of the pieces of Rock weigh over 30 tons, yet Edward never had any help and always worked alone.  There are several theories on how Edward did this, but all of them involve Edward having magic powers.  

One of the marvels that Edward created was this 9 ton gate that was perfectly balanced and could be turned by a child's finger.  When Edward died in 1951 the gate continued to function perfectly over 30 years when the medal bearings inside rusted.  It no longer functions properly and no modern architect can get it back to its previous function.

Even more shockingly, Edward actually moved the castle 10 miles down the road in the thirties.

Edward would live humbly in the tower of the castle, which was the only part of the castle that was covered.  There was some tools left behind, but they fail to solve the mystery, as none of them appeared capable of hoisting 30 tons.

Let's take a tour!

Originally, the visitor would drop ten cents into this receptacle to begin the tour.

Sadly, due to inflation the price is over a hundred times that...........

The castle is fit with such modern amenities as coral jacuzzi.....

 
And the world's most uncomfortable beds.....

 

There is plenty of coral furniture.....

Including both a heart shaped table.....

And a table shaped like the great state of Florida.....

But perhaps most impressive is the collection of planets carved into the coral walls....

In the gift shop there is pretty cool souvenir: an exact minature replica of the castle itself....

Not the world's most colorful folk art environment, but definitely the most mysterious.

The Carpetbagger

Please feel free to email me at jacobthecarpetbagger@gmail.com
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An Ode to the Madness that is Bourbon Street

There are very few places in this great country that make one feel as if they have stepped out of their very body.  A strange mixture of heaven and hell does exist on earth.  Within the most insane state lies the most insane city, and within the city lies the most insane street:  Bourbon street.



What is the secret ingredient that creates this madness?  Its simple: drinking in the street.

Drunk people everywhere......Strip clubs draped in Mardi Gras beads.

Strippers wonder out into the street on their platform stilettos  beckoning you to enter (sorry, it felt to creepy to take pictures).

Strip clubs post pictures of "love acts" in their windows because they just don't give a shit if kids see them or not.

Please, Don't look at the above picture closely.

Speaking of kids, one of personal memories from Bourbon street was watching a young child cry while his dad cleaned vomit off his shoe and his mother took a picture.

When my wife made a comment about drink being too expensive on Bourbon Street some random guy standing behind us said "No kidding."  He then paused briefly and then said, "Hey you want to smoke some pot?".

The only thing that is there to break up the endless strings of bars and strip clubs is voodoo shops.

Open air bars feature drunken maniacs singing Tina Turner.....

And riding horrific mechanical bulls.......

Of course, contrary to popular belief, law and order do exist on Bourbon Street.  Police patrol Bourbon street on horseback for some reason.  It quickly becomes apparent that this is a poor decision as drunks crowd around petting and posing with the nervous horses who nervously back off and act as if they are about ready to plow through the crowd.

The traditional drink of New Orleans is of course the unfortunately named "Hurricane".  However, if you want to go super old school, you can always drink absinthe. 

Known for its alleged hallucinogenic powers, this drink was banned in the United States until fairly recently.  The ban was lifted when it was shown that the hallucinating aspect of Absinthe was proved to be mostly legend, or according to the local bartender that served us "Its not like dropping acid or anything."  Now we are all free to 15 dollars for a glass of foul, room temperature licorice water.

Of course in modern times the Hurricane, has some stiff competition in "The Handgrenade" the drink officially endorsed by Southern Rapper Ludacris.

The Handgrenade can be seen everywhere, in their trademark green glasses, as seen in the webam capture of a post Mardi Gras lull.

Lucky children may even get a chance to have their photo taken with the Handgrenade's official mascot "Mr. Hand Grenade Man".

Sorry for the blurry picture, but that's exactly how I remember it.  And so ended the most remarkable week of my life.  God bless this wonderful abomination, the drunkard's Disney World:  Bourbon Street.

The Carpetbagger

Please feel free to email me at jacobthecarpetbagger@gmail.com
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Mardi Gras in North Carolina

I admit I am no expert on the holiday of Mardi Gras.  While the traditions are very complex and varied, it is essentially a Catholic holiday were people party and celebrate excess before the killjoy season of Lent begins.

In the United States Mardi Gras is synonymous with the city of New Orleans, which is one of my favorite cities in the entire world.  Although, it is a dream of mine to partake in the New Orleans Mardi Gras celebration, I know it will most likely never happen.  My body is just not in the physical condition to deal with that level of celebration and crowding.  People will camp out days in advance to see the parades.  The drinking is enough to kill a pirate.  It sounds like fun, but more than this little Carpetbagger can handle.

But this does not mean then I can never enjoy a Mardi Gras parade here in my home state of North Carolina.  Asheville, NC hosts a yearly Mardi Gras celebration.  Now, this seems like an odd place for a Mardi Gras celebration.  Asheville is firmly planted in the bible belt, with a very small Catholic population, but anyone who knows Asheville knows that it is not your typical Southern City.  There is nothing people in Asheville enjoy more than dressing up weird.  So, in some ways it makes it the perfect city to host a Mardi Gras parade.

Oddly enough the parade organizers declared that this Mardi Gras Celebration, unlike New Orlean's version, would include no nudity or alcohol.  This is odd considering for four years Asheville was voted "Beer City" for four years in a row, plus the fact that it is the location of yearly Topless Rallies (organized by a UFO cult). 

That said, Asheville put on a purely enjoyable Mardi Gras Parade.  The highlight for me was when this gentleman was able to play ring toss with my skull and sunk a set of beads over my head without me even noticing. 

Other highlights include lots of Trannys.....

There is something heart warming about Trannies handing out candy to little kids....

And there was an Anti-GMO group with their mascot the giant "Fishy Sugar Beet"

I guess their message is that if we eat GMOs we are eating horrifying half vegetable-half fish abominations.....but I don't know, I think the guy is just to damn cute to scare me....

He kind reminds me of Yumion, the Vidalia Onion.

Of course the parade is a truly visual experience, I'll stop yapping.  Let's take a look.

Happy Mardi Gras everyone.....


The Carpetbagger

Please feel free to email me at jacobthecarpetbagger@gmail.com
And don't forget to check out my Flickr Photostream and my Youtube Page