The Proud History of Hillbillies in Pro-Wrestling

Disclaimer:  None of the photos of videos in this particular article belong to me

I have talked in the past about the way Hillbilly characters have been portrayed in movies and television, but I haven't yet talked about one genre of entertainment that has always relied on the Hillbilly image:  Pro-Wrestling.  Now, as I have admitted in the past that I am a lifelong closet wrestling fan.  I just can't stay away from this lovely mix of violence and drama.

I won't be inducting any of these men into The Hillbilly Hall of Fame, as they are essentially actors portraying Hillbillies (further research will have to go into finding wrestlers who are Hillbillies in real life).

One may say that using Hillbilly characters in pro-wrestling is stereotypical and offensive.  However, anyone who has been following wrestling knows that stereotype characters are plentiful and pretty much every group of people of has been made into a 2 dimensional caricature.

Here is what a Canadian Wrestler looks like.....

A Native American Wrestler...........

A gay wrestler.......

  

And an African Wrestler......

Yikes.  Cultural sensitivity has never been one of wrestling strong points. 

Various "Hillbilly" characters have competed in wrestling over the years.   I wanted to take some time to look at them.

Hillbilly Jim

The grandaddy of all Hillbilly wrestlers, Hillbilly Jim appeared in the early eighties.  Being a walking stereotype, he was portrayed as goofy and uneducated, but he was always a good guy the fans could cheer for.  He was actually introduced on screen by Hulk Hogan, possibly the most famous wrestler ever.  Hillbilly Jim even had an extended family of goofy hillbilly relatives that joined him in wrestling:  Uncle Elmer, Cousin Luke and Cousin Junior.  These were their full ring names, so apparently, in Hillbilly culture your proper name includes how you are related to someone.  Nothing to offensive here.  Hillbilly Jim fit right into wrestling at the time, with its cartoon-like characters. 

The Godwinns

The Godwinns were the next generation of Hillbillies in wrestling.   Henry O. Godwinn debuted in the early 90s and was stated to be a pig farmer from Arkansas.  (Get it? His initials are HOG).  Henry would carry a bucket of "slop" to the ring with him and would dump nasty crap all over his defeated opponents.  

Henry would soon be joined by his cousin (how come Hillbillies always have cousins instead of brothers and sisters?)  Phineas I. Godwinn (Get it?  His initials are PIG).   Phineas was basically portrayed as having the personality of a young child, foolishly falling in love with an evil female manager named Sunny who would take advantage of him.  Hillbilly Jim would even come out of retirement and manage the Godwinns, passing the Hillbilly torch onto them.  The Godwinns would fill a similar role to that of Jim and his family, they were goofy good guys that the kids could cheer for.  They would square dance together in the ring to celebrate their victories.  As the tone of wrestling begin to change and its demographics shifted to older fans the Godwinns changed their schtick.

No longer were the Godwinns happy-go-lucky friendly Hillbillies, they removed their shirts and became scary Deliverance style hillbilly villains.   They would would even ditch poor Hillbilly Jim and replace him with the scarier "Uncle Cletus".  (Again with the relations-as-title thing).

Jesse and Festus

We head into the 2000s and return to the warmer crowd-friendly Hillbillies:  Jesse and Festus.  While they lacked the trademark overalls of past Hillbillies, there is not doubting  their Hillbilly cred. Just check out their theme music, entitled "Biscuits and Gravy".

                                                  

Jesse and Festus had a little more complex gimmick than past Hillbillies.  Jesse was smaller and was portrayed and a shy country boy, while the giant Festus was portrayed as mentally retarded and completely brain-dead. Jesse would actually have to hold his hand to guide him down to the ring. Festus would always be making this face and staring off into the distance. 

However, whenever Festus heard a bell ring he went crazy and transformed into a Hillbilly Incredible Hulk, destroying his opposition.  When he heard another bell he would revert back to his brain-dead self.  Fortunately, every wrestling match starts with a bell ringing.  In a humorous twist, bad guys would catch on and learn to ring the bell to neutralize Festus.

The Wyatt Family

We now move into the modern era with the Wyatt family.  The Wyatts are unique from all other wrestlers listed in this article.  The leader "Bray Wyatt" is a backwoods preacher/cult leader that talks in really creepy rambling prose.  He is always flanked by Eric Rowan and Lee Harper, his two frightening Hillbilly followers.  Think Charles Manson meets Deliverance.  Oh yeah, and Eric Rowan wears a really creepy sheep mask.

 

The video packages that the WWE put together for this group are some of the coolest things every seen in wrestling.  Check it out.

 I know wrestling gets no mainstream respect, but that is some of the best Southern Gothic storytelling I have seen in a long time. Who says wrestling isn't a true art form?

So, that was a brief look at this history of Hillbillies in Wrestling.  I look forward to see what Hillbillies the future will bring.

The Carpetbagger

Please feel free to e-mail me at jacobthecarpetbagger@gmail.com
and check out my Flickr Photostream

Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge, TN: The Sodom and Gomarrah of the South

The Great Smoky Mountain National Park is the most visited national park in the United States.  There is no doubting its pretty.

While the natural beauty is nice there is a different kind of paradise tucked in these mountains.  The Great Smokey Mountain Parkway is sandwiched between two of the most legendary tourist tourist traps in the Country.  One one side is Cherokee, NC, which I have discussed before.  After you travel through roughly 45 minutes of pure nature, creeks, waterfalls and bears you pop out into the strange and wonderful world of Gatlinburg, TN.

After leaving the serenity of the forest you are subject to sights such as this.

Its the equivalent of sitting in a hot tub and then jumping into a swimming pool.

Gatlinburg was originally know for its Appalachian native crafts, but over time it has morphed into what it is today: a redneck mecca, a city that is and off itself a tourist trap, it is either heaven or hell on earth, depending who you are.

On the crowded streets of Gatlinburg are endless rows of fudge shops, gift shops, and tourists watching taffy being made.

There is every tacky treasure one could hope for including hand painted vanity plates.

And there is an airbrushed t-shirt shop about every 10 feet.....

You can have any airbrushed t-shirt you want made up for your special occasions...........from two teddy bears in a hot tub....

To a rebel flag shaped like a heart.....

In fact, if you like rebel flags, you are in luck, as you can get about anything you want with a rebel flag on it.....

There are more individual tourist attractions, museums, and activities then I could discuss in one post, so I may be discussing them in the future..................but there are a few choice places I would like to take a chance to mention....

There are three haunted houses within walking distance of each other....

"Cooter's":  A Musem based around " The Dukes of Hazzard"

"Christ in the Smokies": Formerly known as "Christus Gardens" is an amazing wax museum based on the Bible, that sadly does not allow photography of their "New Testament Section".   They do allow photography in the "Old Testament Section", but sadly that section only has two figures.  I know one is Moses, but I forgot who the other one is.  (I'm thinking Abraham.)

They have a cool old building too.....

Also, there are three "Mirror Mazes" in the immediate area.  For those those not familiar with mirror mazes:  You are plunged into a winding maze or mirrors where every room looks exactly the same, you are also subjected to flashing lights and throbbing club music for some reason.

 Check it out.....

Of  course the tiny town of Gatlinburg could simply not contain all the tackiness and cheesy fun that there was to contain......As the essence of Gatlinburg became to much for one town, it spilled into its sister city of Pigeon Forge, TN.

BAM!

While Gatlinburg's geography in a mountain valley restrict its size, Pigeon Forge has no such restrictions.  Pigeon Forge is a sprawling metropolis running along the side of Highway 441.

One of the first things you will notice is there appears to be more mini-golf then there are anywhere else on the face of earth....

Massive fiberglass behemoths flank the highway.

Pigeon Forge contains many of the same amenities as Gatlinburg, primarily airbrush t-shirt stands.

There are also miniature amusement parks up and down the highway.

 Along with numerous go-kart courses......

 There is replica of the Titanic hitting an iceberg on the side of the road.....

An upside down White House....

Several zany castles.....

Another unique feature  of Pigeon Forge is that appears to be the world capital of Hillbilly Dinner Theater.  The includes a dinner show about the Hatfield and McCoy feud.

And don't forget "Hazard County Hoedown" a musical based on "The Dukes of Hazzard"

And let's not forget the Miracle Theater, which shows a musical based on Revelations.......

The cherry on top is this life sized King Kong that towers over the city on top of the Hollywood Wax Museum.

Oh yeah.......and I almost forgot:  They have a Bear Pit.

Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg are an unbelievable site to behold and I have only scratched the surface.  They are tacky, mind-numbing, and hideous........but I love them dearly.

The Carpetbagger

Please feel free to e-mail me at jacobthecarpetbagger@gmail.com
and check out my Flickr Photostream

Mark "Coonrippy" Brown and Gunshow

Not my image

 As I mentioned a little while back the Internet's newest viral sensation is Mark "Coonrippy" Brown and his giant pet Raccoon "Gunshow".  For a glorious 1 minute and 25 seconds Mark and Gunshow dance to Aretha Franklin's chain of fools.  Until Gunshow gets sick of it and straight up attacks Mark.

Mark's youtube channel can be found HERE.

Its a quaint little channel.  Mark has posted many videos of him playing with his raccoon.  A recurring theme is that Gunshow loves biting Mark, who can be seen dripping blood in some clips.  Mark finally comes to the revelation that the one thing that can keep Gunshow from biting him is Hannah Montana Body Spray.

The Hannah Montana products quickly become a running gag in his videos.

Not all Mark's videos feature Racoons as he posts various silly little sketches.  Alot of the sketches involve Mark blowing up random things with dynamite.

By the time that Marks videos went viral Gunshow had passed away, but Mark and his girlfriend had already taken in a baby raccoon named Rebekah.

And hijinks ensued.....

Things were looking good for Mark and his fury friend, they were even scheduled to shoot a pilot for a reality show.

Then fame showed its wicked head.  Tennessee authorities came in and took Rebekah from Mark and his girlfriend, siting that he did not have a permit to keep wild animals.  This was almost certainly in reaction to his new found internet fame.  Mark has posted this video pleading for the authorities to return Rebekah home.

I would like to let Mark know that The Carpetbagger fully supports him.  I know that it may seem like poor consultation prize, but I would like to take this opportunity to induct Mark into the Hillbilly Hall of Fame.

Let's all wish Rebekah a safe return home




The Carpetbagger

Please feel free to e-mail me at jacobthecarpetbagger@gmail.com
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Confederate Secret Weapons

The Civil War was the most deadly war in US History.  The short lived Confederate States of America (Now known as "The South"), were outnumbered and out gunned.  Sometimes they needed to think outside of the box.  Here are three of the most notorious examples.

Athen's Double Barrelled Canon

During the Civil War, all young able bodied men were required to fight.  Back on the homefront, those that were elderly or disabled would have to find other ways to help in the Lost Cause.  The old men of Athens, GA decided that they would help by by creating a secret weapon: The deadly Double Barrelled Cannon.  The point of having an extra barrel was to fire two cannonballs simultaneously.  These cannon balls would be connect by a chain.  The cannonballs were supposed to spin causing a whirling disk of death that would rip the heads off of Union Soldiers.

BAM!!!!

Unfortunately for the old men of Athens, GA things did not go according to plan.  It was really hard to get two wicks to burn at the exact same pace.  The cannonballs would not fire at the same time.  Instead, the balls would fly out haphazardly.   The chain would break and send the cannonballs flying in random directions.  A man was killed during the testing of the cannon.  The canon did not revolutionize warfare and to this day it sits on the courthouse steps in Athens as a monument to how something that sounds awesome in practice can just be ridiculous and dangerous in practice.

Asa Jackson's Perpetual Motion Machine

Inside the fantastic Museum of Appalachia there is a true treasure.  This strange wheel-like contraption is a perpetual motion machine created by Civil War era inventor Asa Jackson.  Asa worked in a cave in the backwoods of Tennessee.  Asa allegedly created a working perpetual motion machine: a device that is self propelled without using outside power that can run forever without any additional power.  Now, some "physicists" may say that this is simply impossible, but who are we to question Asa?  It looks legit to me.  Asa was paranoid about his idea being stolen and would partially disassemble his machine before he left the cave.  Sadly, Asa would die before he ever got around to explaining to anyone how to put it back together or how it worked.  No one has been able to get it cranked ever since.

Now, no one knows for sure what the practical applications would have been for Asa's machine, but having an infinite source of power would have served the Confederate army well.  My guess is that Asa was terrified that Union raiders would take his device. 

Now the machine sits at the Museum with a pile of odd wooden odds and ends.  The Museum Welcomes suggestions on how they may get the machine to work.

The CSS H.L. Hunley
  

Before visiting the Civil War Naval Museum in Columbus, GA I had no idea that there were any Naval battles in the civil war.  It doesn't seem to make much sense, since both sides shared the same unbroken landmass, but there were actually lots of naval battles and the ships looked like something out of a Steampunk novel.

But the craziest and most insane of these devices was the CSS H.L. Hunley.  The official claim to fame of the Hunley is that it is "the first submarine to sink a ship."  But of course this was the 1860s, so that was easier said than done.  

Not my image

 See that little thing?  That's the Hunley.  First of all it required eight men to pilot.  Notice how small it is compared to the guy standing next to it.  It was a claustrophobic nightmare.  Worst of all, the Hunley was entirely hand powered.  Meaning that the only thing the made the propellor turn was the 7 guys turing the big crank on the inside.

Not my image

 So how was this crazy thing supposed to actually kill people?  

Property of Friends of the Hunley

It had a giant spear mounted on the front.  You just and to ram in into something.  One you jammed the spear into the ship, you swung the Hunley into revere and pulled away from the spear.  This action would detonate the gunpowder filled bomb on the end of the spear.  Just like a party popper.

Not my image

 The developmental process of the Hunley was grim.  During two separate test voyages the ship would sink, killing the crew, including its inventor H.L. Hunley.   Despite this, the confederate army would give the Hunley a thumbs up and sent it into battle in the Harbor of Charleston, SC.  Shockingly things went according to plan and the Hunley was able to spear and explode a real Union Battleship.  Things went awry somehow and the Hunley never returned to port.  No one knows exactly how the crew died, but its likely that they simply ran out of oxygen.

The Hunley would sit in at the bottom of Charleston Harbor until the 1990s when it was pulled out of the briny deep.  You can actually visit the Hunley on weekends.  It is kept in a weird chemical bath that preserves it like Vladamir Lenin.

Property of Friends of the Hunley

Scientists are actually working tirelessly as they try to preserve and restore the Hunley.  Maybe someday when they get it fixed up we take it out for another spin,


The Carpetbagger

Please feel free to e-mail me at jacobthecarpetbagger@gmail.com
and check out my Flickr Photostream