This Year's Christmas Parade Circuit

Last year I talked about the amazing spectacle that is small town Christmas Parades.  This year I was only able to hit two Christmas Parades (my record is 4 in one season).  We attended half the Asheville, NC Christmas Parade before being frozen out (the mountains can be surprisingly cold in the winter) and the parade in my home town of Waynesville, NC.

So let's take a look!

We have a Christmas Kangroo........

And the normal barrage of Nativities.....

We have a tree trunk nativity......

A manger with no wheels....

And an kickass semi nativity.....

A monster truck plowed through as fake soap sud snow fell on Waynesville........

And we had our normal endlesss stream of corporate mascots, such as the Geico Gecko and his friends.....

The Chrysler Hampster......

Some lesser known mascots such as the State Farm Insurance Bear.....

...The Wells Fargo Dog Man......

And who can forget, militant Spongebob.....

Or this weird Bee thing.....

Santa forgoes his sleigh to drive a comically small bus.....

And what would a parade be without someone picking up horse turds?

Its good that they keep things subtle.....

Of course this year, I actually jumped out of my seat, ran right into the middle of the parade and photographed what may be the greatest sign I have ever seen in the history of Christmas parades.

Merry Christmas, Ya'll.

The Carpetbagger

Please feel free to email me at jacobthecarpetbagger@gmail.com
And don't forget to check out my Flickr Photostream

The President's Hall of Fame and the Citrus Tower

As winter drags on I'd like to take some more time talk about some of the wonderful tourist stops in the lovely state of Florida.  Last time I visited the state I had the honor of visiting this unique little attraction:  The President's Hall of Fame.

So, what is the criteria for being inducted into the President's Hall of Fame?  Its not made entirely clear, but my understanding is that there are roughly 43 members. 

My dedication shined through as I drove 45 minutes to find the Museum closed, and still took time to drive back the next day.

Opening in the early 1960s, The President's Hall of Fame was previously known as "The House of Presidents".   From what I understand it was a super-low tech version of Disney World's Hall of Presidents. 

Disney's Hall of Presidents

Instead of antimatronics they used wax figures and a tape recording.  It probably didn't help that the actual Hall of Presidents is 45 minutes away.  The fact that this attraction  is still standing in the direct shadow of Disney World when so many others have fallen is a testament to its charm.

In the 1980s. The Hall was purchased by artist John Zweifel who had a long standing fascination with the White House.  In the 60s John and and his Wife Jan would create an accurate 1/12 scale recreation of the White House.  Over the years they had been given surprising access to the entire White House to make sure that every detail was accurate.  Every room is meticulously made to match the details of the actual White House, down to the curtains and furniture.

John has turned the President's Hall of Fame into a permanent home for his creation, which was previously on tour all over the country.

The Museum is no longer a non-robotic version of the Hall of Presidents.  With the Miniature White House as a center piece, the Museum has kept the wax figures, but also has incorporated various presidential artifacts.

The exterior of the building is impressive in its own right, as it is built to resemble the Lincoln Monument.

The exterior also includes a photo op miniature version of Mount Rushmore.

I was fortunate enough to meet John Zweifel white I was visiting the Museum.   John said he took pride in the label of "Roadside America", but noted that he did take offense to reviews on the internet that described his museum as dusty and claiming that the wax figures where leaning over.  I talked with John about the other Roadside Attractions I had visited.  He asked me what my favorite attraction was and I told him it was "The House on the Rock" in Spring Green, WI.  I was surprised when he told me that he had actually created some of the miniature dioramas at the House on the Rock.  Here is John posing with a Wax Figure.....of himself.....

The figures were done well, with the exception of this horrifying Ghost Faced Hillary Clinton....

And this Teddy Roosevelt who appears to have his glasses attached to his face with caulk....

For some reason a lot of the president's appear to be bowing.  The don't look like they are falling over, it actually looks like they are engaged in group prayer.

The Hall of Fame is complete with every president, including Barack Obama.

The Museum has even been updated to include several animatronics.  Including this towering Lincoln that spooked me when it started talking out of nowhere. 

FDR gives his trademark speech with the push of a button.

My favorite presidential artifact is one of the original Florida voting boots from the 2000 Presidential Elections.

Now, I don't care what your political views are, but this thing is damn confusing, just take a look.

Seriously, where am I supposed to stick my stylus?

The Museum also has sideshow legend Tom Thumb's carriage.  Which has nothing to do with president's, but its so awesome, we'll let it slide.

That's a TV playing a  DVD of Ronald Reagan doing stand-up comedy next to the carriage.

On your way out, make sure that you get your fortune taken by the animatronic George W. Bush.

 

 

But wait!  There is more.  While it is not affiliated with the presidential Museum, another classic Florida looms overhead.

That giant monolith is know as the Citrus Tower.

The tower was built in 1956 as a way to allow tourists to observe the beauty of the local Orange groves.

The tower is in walking distance of the Hall of Presidents.  The bottom area looks like it used to be full of shops, but they are all empty now.  There is a make shit gift shop in the center of the building made of temporary partitions smooshed around the elevator.  You can ay an admission fee at this shop to go to the top.

The elevator takes you straight to the top, as there are no other floors.  Once at the top you are released into the observation area.  You can see 35 miles from the top of the tower, sadly, you cannot see a single Orange Grove as they have all been plowed over to make room for condos.

You can get a bird's eye view of the President's Hall of Fame though.

Also, there is a wishing well, where not only do you get to make a wish, but you get to listen to your penny plummet 226 feet.

Man, I love Florida.

The Carpetbagger

Please feel free to email me at jacobthecarpetbagger@gmail.com
And don't forget to check out my Flickr Photostream

Has Moonshining Jumped the Shark?

As I have discussed previously a massive part of Southern tourism is the Moonshine Still.  From Rock City to Dollywood, virtually every Southern Tourist stop big and small has a Moonshine still (this includes Disney World).

Recently, my wife told me that Moonshining was boring.  Initially, I argued.  Since moving to the South in 2000, I have become obsessed with Southern Culture.  This includes, unsuccessfully trying to hunt down Moonshining legend Popcorn Sutton before his untimely death.  Nothing says "The South" like Moonshining.

But I got to thinking.  Sure, the romantic image of the self sufficient rebel moonshiner is iconic to the South, but is the whole moonshining thing played out?

What is the thing about Moonshine that makes it desirable?  Why would you buy an illegal liquor when you can just go to the store and by something that will probably be cheaper and was not made in an abandoned gas tank?  It sure isn't the taste.  Moonshine tastes awful.  Its essentially flavorless straight liquor, with all the charm and sophistication of gasoline.

But, people still made it, and the illegal selling of moonshine is still a significant illegal industry.  It is the mystique of moonshine that sells it.  The very fact that it is illegal is part of the selling point.  It would give an individual a charge to buy and consume something that is "forbidden", without going into the territory of illicit drugs.

But guess what:  Moonshine has been legalized.  Now, going out and building a still in the woods is still illegal, but a Moonshiner can simply apply for a license to operate like a micro brewery.  The product is the same, but it is taxed and is regulated by the Government.

This legal moonshine has become a major industry here in the Mountains.  Even the estate of the deceased Popcorn Sutton partnered with Hank Williams Jr. of all people to release their own brand of legal moonshine.

The largest Moonshining manufacturer, is the Ole Smokey Moonshine, which sells a mason jar of moonshine for 25 bucks a pop.  They have national television commercial that is super duper schmaltzy.



To me, that's not how you sell Moonshine.........I would go more of THIS route (Warning: Link contains explicit material).   Moonshine isn't supposed to be warm and fuzzy.  Mooshine is gritty and real.  Moonshine is about crusty bearded men fighting the man.

The market seems to be flooded right now with everyone throwing their hat in the ring to market this rubbing alcohol flavored spirit.

But This country is in love with Moonshine.  There are currently 3 shows on TV about the production of Moonshine.  The original "Moonshiners" on the Discovery Channel showed Moonshiner Tim and his wacky sidekick "Tickle" along with a large cast of moonshiners from various states making illegal moonshine, while the law hunted for them.  It was always confusing on why you would do something secretive and illegal and allow it to be filmed for television, but I try to think the fun out of reality TV.

Various Mooshiners from the TV show, charging money for photos at a local trailer outlet

Moonshiners would get a spin-off called "Tickle" about the wackiest Moonshiner on the original show.  The show was way over the top and focused around Tickle finding a large stash of Moonshine in the woods (caught on Camera) and then trying to find a way to sell it.  Tickle was partnered with his two idiot friends in this slapstick adventure, which may be the first reality show to feature dream sequences.  Okay, again, not trying to rag on reality TV, but how do you film someone's dreams?

Now, Tickle has returned to the cast of Moonshiners as they try to start a LEGAL moonshine operation, which as I mentioned above is a lot less exciting.

Finally, There is Hatfield and McCoys: White Lightning.  This show featured members of the notorious feuding Hillbillies being forced to work together to make legal Moonshine.   Of course the recurring issue is that the families are still feuding over a a stolen Hog from the Mid 1800s and can't get along.   The features a lot of shouting and grown men acting incredibly petty.

I don't know how much gas the Moonshine fad has left in it.  Now that Moonshiner's have gone legit can they still manage to maintain interest.  I believe it is mythology that sells Moonshine and the novelty is in dire jeopardy. 

The Carpetbagger

Please feel free to email me at jacobthecarpetbagger@gmail.com
And don't forget to check out my Flickr Photostream

Jackalopes

Here in the South we have some great mythological creatures: Mothman, The Skunk Ape, and the Rougarou.  However, there is one beast that the South cannot cannot claim:  The Jackalope.  The Jackalope is generally associated with states in the western United States, with Douglas, WY being the official capital.

The Jackalope is a true American tradition and the original taxidermy gaffe or "fake".  A man named Douglas Herrick is considered the father of the Jackalope, as he put deer antlers on a taxidermist rabbit as a lark and created thunder in a bottle.

Cherokee, NC

 Americans love the Jackalope.  For some reason the antlers look like they "belong" on the rabbit.  You could put deer antlers on anything else and it would not have the same impact.   It would just look ridiculously unnatural. 

Something about the Jackalope mix that just works.  Its equal parts mysterious and silly.

Now when you create an imaginary animal there is a huge opportunity to fill in the back story.  Over the years people have added bits to the Jackalope lore.  

Here are the cold hard facts:

• Jacklopes can be produced by cross breeding and Jack rabbit and an antelope.
• Jackalopes can perfectly imitate the English language, which they use to trick humans.
• Jackalope milk is an aphrodisiac and cures baldness.  Jackalopes sleep on their backs and can be milked while sleeping.
• Jackalopes can only mate when lighting flashes.
• Jackalopes love to drink whiskey, luckily when they are drunk they will mistakenly try to catch bullets in their teeth, making it much easier to kill them.

Even though the Jackalope is not native to The South, that does not stop fine Southern establishments from proudly displaying them.

Whistlestop Diner in Juliette, GA (Restaurant from Fried Green Tomatoes)

On of the more notable Jackalopes in The South is the massive Fiberglass Jackalope that can be found at the tourist mecca South of the Border.

Curiously, shortly after this picture was taken someone decided to paint him blue.

Still looks good...............

Fortunately for me, a friend from work found out about my obsession with Jackalopes (just one thing in a long list of obsessions) and offered to help me get my own.  She took me to an old barn that belonged to her family, where a Jackalope was nailed to the wall.  He was a little dusty, and his ears where a little shriveled, but he was still a thing of beauty.  She let me keep it, free of charge

Also, thank to the kindness of others, thanks to my friend Mary I am permitted to hunt Jackalopes in Douglas, WY.

 The only restriction is that it is only valid on June 31st.

The Carpetbagger

Please feel free to email me at jacobthecarpetbagger@gmail.com
And don't forget to check out my Flickr Photostream