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Saturday, February 2, 2013

Non-Traditional Sports

From what I understand, there is an event known as "The Superbowl" today.  Now, I have never been one to follow traditional sports.  I don't really know how football works, other then it is a group of large man who takes turns dog piling each other and then standing around.

This is not to say I can not be excited by sports.  I wanted to take an opportunity to talk about some of the non-traditional sports out there.  These are events that are not about winning and loosing, but more about the experience.

6. Monster Truck Rallys

Now, in the spirit of full disclosure, I have only been to one monster truck show and I was really too young to remember it.  Attending another one is definitely on my ridiculously long bucket list.  

I did have a chance encounter with "Monster Mutt" at one point.

Now I am sure there is some way that monster trucks "win" at rallys, but much like football I am not clear on how that works.  Clearly winning and losing is not the point.  You take a giant truck with ridiculously large wheels and you make it do back flips and crush cars.  If that's not a recipe for success I don't know what is.  For whatever reason they are also know to have giant robotic, fire breathing, car eating dragons at these rallys.  All in all it sounds like a good night.

5. Idiotarod 

The iditarod is a legendary dog sled race that takes place very year in Alaska.  The Idiotarod is similar, but instead of a sled you use a shopping cart and instead of dogs you use idiots (hence the name).   The idiots are encouraged to pimp out the cart in the strangest way possible and to dress as idiotically as possible.  When I learned of this even occurring in Asheville, NC I had to check it out.

Despite the rainy weather, there was an amazing turnout and had quite an assortment of ridiculous carts and outfits.

And they are off!

I would tell you who won, but the problem with races is that everyone runs off as soon as it starts and you never see them again.

4. Roller Derby

Roller Derby is a truly unique sport.  It combines two truly American things: pretty girls and violence.  The two meld like peanut butter and jelly.

The rules are a little odd and confusing, but basically one member of each team tries to score points by advancing past members of the opposing team, while they attempt to block her.

Its a colorful sport that obviously doesn't take itself that seriously.  The girls use goofy stage names to help them stand out.

Here is "Mozaltov Cocktail"

Here is "Tess LaCoil"

"Miss Thang 1 and 2"....

and the lovely Miss "Skelly Tor".....

3. Alligator Wrestling 

Alligator wrestling is a great tradition in Florida.  There are actually two types, the native Seminole Indian  Wrestling and the White "Cracker" form.  From what I understand both techniques are very similar, but both are amazing.

While very dangerous, alligator wrestling operates on basic principle:  While alligators have unbelievable bite pressure, the muscles that actually open their mouth are relatively weak and can be held shut by human hands.  Alligators are serious business and are one of the most dangerous wild animals in America, which makes it odd that they can be defeated by a bare handed human.

Of course you are not going to impress a crowd of people simply by holding an alligator's mouth shut.  The Alligator Wrestler must engage in some crowd pleasing dangerous moves.

Like this....

Another trick in every good Alligator Wrestler's repertoire is a death grip that puts the alligator to sleep.  This involves the Wrestler flipping an alligator onto their back and applying pressure to its bottom jaw, rendering the alligator helpless. 

As cool as this trick is, it is probably not going to save you during a wild alligator attack.

Of course, with any good alligator show you are going to want to send the crowd home happy, and they arn't going to be happy unless they get a shot to wrestle an alligator themselves.

Fun for the whole family.

2. Pig Racing

I love the county fair.  The sights, the smells and the tastes.  If there is any event that truly personifies the fair to me it is the pig race.  It is amazing how excited a crowd can get when cheering on pigs racing in a circle for a single cheeto.  The pigs are of given the names of famous race car drivers altered to sound like pigs such as Piggy Gordon and Hoggy Jarrett.

As awesome as the pig race is, they always have to add a little something to spice it up, like racing other animals.

Or having a miniature high diving pig.

1. Professional Wrestling

I did a full article on why I believe Pro Wrestling to be the one true sport.  No other "sport" truly grasps the drama of humanity and explores the dichotomy of Good vs. Evil. 

If you have any doubts on how remarkable pro wrestling really is, please check out this youtube video. 

(Not mine).

So keep your football, I will be enjoying the non-traditional sports this great nation has to offer.

The Carpetbagger

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